Jan 30 2018

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TOP SECRET: First Draft and Final Revisions of Donald Trump’s 1/30/2018 SOTUA (Satire)

top secret trump's first draft and revisions of 1 30 2018 SOTUA

Donald Trump gave specific orders to his staff and family this morning, to not disturb him for at least two hours, while his hairdresser prepares his hair for the State Of The Union speech he plans to deliver tonight. It was leaked to reporters, that he will dye his hair flaming orange and in a comb over for his big speech. His make up will take an estimated two hours to prepare as well.  Trump expects to spend these hours of personal primping to read over and edit the  speech originally written by Nazi , White Supremacist, and Trump’s most sickening sycophant senior adviser, Stephen Miller.

“We must have a wall on the Mexican Border, and all illegal immigrants must be deported or executed.” These were the original opening words written by Stephen Miller and edited by Trump to read ” We must have a wall on the Mexican Border.” The second line of the speech edited out was” I want to make a special shout out to my friend and fellow autocrat and billionaire Vlad Putin, a great guy and a great leader.”

Since most of the Democratic lawmakers are planning to boycott the speech, Trump has decided to leave in his insult to them. ” I see my Democratic adversaries are not here this evening , in protest of my presidency, however I really don’t care. I’m President and they aren’t. The Democrats especially the Black Caucus are a real disappointment to me and the nation. Everyone knows I’m not a racist. Everyone knows I love all people, except illegal aliens and people from Shit Hole countries. For Maxine Waters and John Lewis to call me a “racist” is just wrong and uncalled for . I am the nicest guy in the world, ask Vlad Putin and many others who know me personally. Ask any of my Cabinet members, and  they will all say how much they love me and love to work for me. I’m a really nice guy!”

His original hostile closing statement was changed from , “That’s the way it is, anyone who doesn’t like it can fuck themselves.” to, “That’s how I see the nation and the world,  as President of the U.S. I thank you all for listening to me tonight, and hope you will think more highly of me after this speech , and the Fake News Media will fairly report on, and accurately film my State of the Union Message.”

These were reported to be the most significant changes to the drafted speech for tonight.  Unfortunately several of Trump’s key advisers and speech writers were fired, or hospitalized with the flu virus this week, and were unable to complete their much needed editing. Reports have stated that Ivanka Trump has edited most of the speech in the last few days, and included several plugs for her new Washington D.C fashion line, Trump’s international resorts, and a defense of Jared Kushner’s innocence in his collusion with Russia and his latest money laundering scandal . Donald Trump gladly  approved the speech and congratulated Ivanka in front of his White House Staff, declaring her as the most ” beautiful and brilliant person in the world.”



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