An Invitation to Hell

1/27/05

(CPAC) is the Conservative Political Action Conference an annual convention of grassroots conservative activists and broadcasters held in February at the Ronald Reagan Building in D.C. To my great surprise I received an invitation to attend the conference and interview some or many of the conservative pundits and political celebrities who will be gathered there. At first I thought the letter was a joke by one of my listeners until I decided to call the media coordinator to confirm my invitation and ask if they were aware that I was a liberal talk show host. She laughed and said, “Yes we knew you were a liberal show but we decided to invite liberal talk show hosts to this convention to raise the level of interest, in fact Al Frankin is going to debate G.Gordon Liddy.” I realized at that moment that either I was being sucked into a dare or that CPAC was openly offering liberals a forum or at least a microphone to hear what we might have to say. (Right.)

I was still a little stunned to find out that my invitation wasn’t a mistake and that I was being given the chance to interview and listen to some of the top pundits and conservative thinkers in the country. WOW, I thought what a great opportunity for a small radio station, liberal talk show host to go toe to toe with some of the greatest blunder heads in the world. I spoke to a few friends and my station manager and all said it was a great opportunity and chance to get some real meaningful discussions with the right and far right. I thought this was a good idea until I looked up the conference agenda.
Novak debates Donaldson. Speakers, Ann Coulter, Mitch McConnell, etc.etc.blah, blah, blah,the list just got worse and worse. Then we celebrate with the Young Americans, and a grand Ronald Reagan Banquet. I was certain I could never survive a minute in that Hell without one of Dante’s divine guides. Then I thought, what the hell was I thinking? Was I for one minute thinking that I could possibly get an interview with anyone of these conservative clones of merit? Me, Mr. Liberal, this is all a grand set up to probably screw me and any other poor sucker liberal talk show host into the woodwork. Not only was the list of attendees less than stellar,(last year they had Dick Cheney), it appeared that the list of conservative pundits and politicos attending this year was dramatically downgraded to C list Celebs and politicians. This was probably why they invited the Liberal media.

I realized that my going to this conference could only result to my decent into a Liberal’s Hell. Three days of droning Christian conservatives praying for G.W.Bush and the rise of a theocratic government in the U.S. would warp my mind into ideas of becoming a suicide bomber. I foresaw my discomfort level rising to levels of unbearable pain and agony tantamount to greater torture than that inflicted on prisoners at Abu Gharib. What a nightmare! I thought of trying to phrase a non insulting question, or trying desperately not to blurt out in anger a scream of WHY! or HOW! Knowing that the answer I received if any would make less sense than my own question as I descended deeper into conservative madness, deeper into Hell, nearing the fiery furnace of the comprehension of Christian Right Wing Conservative Young American Neocon Bushism. AAHHHHH!!!!!

There is much to be said about preaching to the choir, staying within your realm of understanding and not tempt madness. Liberalism is not madness nor is it a disease as so many crackpot, Christian, neocon, nutters like to declare it to be. Liberalism is the reasonable and ultimate method for the ascension of mankind from the Hell of ignorance and the damnation of human extinction. Liberalism is the belief in the best of man; conservatism is the belief in the worst of man. These are the direct meanings from Webster’s Dictionary. Do not let anyone sway you from the truth, mingling with fools can only be tolerated by fools.

L.A.STEEL