Learning to Wait

LEARNING TO WAIT
3/26/07

I use to wait for what seemed forever for things to happen, or for others to understand what I already knew. I would often read ahead in my history and science books, when I was in elementary school and my teachers would scold me. I wondered if they hadn’t read the material yet. I would often wait for a certain song or some new news on the radio while I was driving or waiting in a traffic jam. It took me many years before I realized I was wasting half of my time waiting for people to inform or entertain me while others just slowed me down.

By the time I had reached my early twenties I had had enough. I could no longer tolerate waiting for someone to teach me what I wanted to learn . I decided I would never again wait needlessly to be informed. I began to delve into serious readings on any subject that interested me. I took a speed reading course to learn how to read faster. I needed raw information. I needed to find the sources of facts and fiction. I read every myth and legend I could find. I read every classic I could read in English. I read ancient and modern classics and philosophy, Milton, Shakespeare . Occult, nutrition, science, medicine, mysteries, politics, magazines and periodicals, newspapers. This was all before the internet. I set up a reading schedule for myself of 300 books a year. I felt that I had to learn what I wanted to learn and I could not wait or trust anyone to lead me. I searched public and university libraries for their inventory and made a list of old and new books and periodicals that interested me. Many books I skimmed through and many others I found fascinating and took notes on. I filled hundreds of note books with quotes and references. I went to conferences and lectures to try and discover something new and interesting. I kept this routine for several years until I became bored. I had become too distant to the rest of the world. I began to hear and criticize references in conversations that were in error. I would attend political speeches and academic lectures and realized they were deceptive or ignorant of fact. I began to see the entire world differently. I began to believe that everyone was operating on a lie. There was a fog of deception so dense, that almost everyone I knew or knew about was under its influence.

I wanted to shout out my frustration to anyone who would listen. I wrote to newspapers and magazines to correct their errors. I was too young and radical to be taken seriously, too stubborn to retreat into oblivion and too angry to sit back and say nothing. I decided to steadily continue my studies. When I became angry at something or someone I kept my mouth shut. Knowing too much about many subjects can be socially crippling, but knowing nothing about a subject and believing anything someone tells you about it can be deadly.

I have forgotten much of what I had learned. So much information unused is useless. The human memory is like a computer hard drive. It needs to be cleaned out once and a while, or it may crash. I keep copies and files of everything I read on my radio programs. I keep only the important books and magazines that I continually refer to. Author Jim Marrs once told me he was a “pile it”, because he piled books, articles and news clippings everywhere. I remembered that because I do the same thing.

I don’t try to correct anyone anymore. I just make certain of my own facts. By observing many wise men and women I have learned to become more cautious and reserved. I have learned why smart people keep a perfect poker face. I have learned that most valuable knowledge is kept secret. I have learned that the wisest person in a group is often the most silent. I have also learned; that the deadliest predators perfect their stealth, and depend on the ignorance of their prey.

L.A. STEEL