Mar 28 2008

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I recently discovered three new words to be added to the English lexicon. I may have made up one or two of them myself.

OBAMANATION : I first heard this word used by my friend John Brennin. The definition is slightly vague and can be interpreted in several ways. The first definition is a clever variance of the word Abomination. The second definition, spelled as a combined word is : Obama- Nation , a new slang word for the U.S if Barack Obama is elected president. The third definition is , a word used to describe the combination of both of the above definitions.

HILLARIITIS: This new word describes a new strain of female anxiety. This once rare, but widely spreading ailment affects many post menstrual women, when entering confined spaces, particularly voting booths and small dressing rooms. A nationwide outbreak is expected in late October and early November of 2008. Symptoms of Hillariitis are : Irrational mood swings, irritability, depression, sleep loss, sudden disatisfaction with home and work, impulsive urges to throw objects at spouses, or at walls, sudden loss of memory of trips to Eastern European countries, recent distrust in the fidelity of husband, or boyfriend, recent noticable shifts in makeup, and hairstyle preferences, severe self consciousness about the size and shape of one’s legs, impulsive need to buy red or yellow suit jackets and black pants, impulsive ambition to run for elected office.

McCAINIACAL: This new word describes a newly discovered disabling brain disorder, affecting the mental capacity of white males over 70 years of age. The severe symptoms of this highly debilitating disorder are: Grandiose illusions of becoming President of the United States, inability to make decisions, inability to determine right from left, inability to understand simple instructions, impulsive desire to kiss and hug other men in public, inability to speak without reading from a written page, or telepromtor, inability to form coherent sentences, no awareness of time, irrational outbursts of anger, a distain for answering questions, and for all members of the news media , this symptom is often identified by a Tourettes like facial tic and shouting of the word “Jerks”. McCainiacal men can be easily manipulated by flattery. Often this disease is misdiagnosed as simply eccentric behavior, but if left untreated could destroy an entire nation.


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